Everything was chaotic when I was 36. I found myself, metaphorically and literally, surrounded by a darkness that had completely broken me. Many points of light in my life disappeared. Everything was wrong: my career was wrong, my relationships were wrong, my home life was wrong. I was unemployed and suddenly found myself in one of the longest nights of my life.

I believe these dark paths happen to us several times as we grow through life. That breaking point when we surrender to anxiety and fear without answers or visible direction. Has that ever happened to you? Even when you know God, it can still happen.

In that moment of shadow I already knew Jesus Christ, and although it is a little embarrassing to admit, I must confess that a part of my old self had not died yet. I had not surrendered it. I had not understood it.

In the Gospel of John we see Nicodemus approaching Jesus in the darkness of night. In a similar way, I approached Him in my own dense inner darkness. In the place where no one else could see me, I drew near to the only Light, even if faint, that was still shining. At first I didn’t understand what Jesus was showing me either, but one thing I did know: I needed to surrender everything I was and everything I had not surrendered before, from my ego to my false humility. I had no way out; the darkness was heavy. So I decided to renounce myself and allow Him to renew me-I was able to now understand that darkness is not the absence of faith.